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Update 31.10.09
It's Pink Punters' 9th birthday today and Halloween!! I'll be there tonight
for the free BBQ with a couple of friends, Dita & Claire. If you're going,
look me up for a natter - should be a good night....
Update 10.10.09
Well, my appeal went swimmingly! Got what I wanted (and deserved I think)
so am extremely happy about it. The dismissal was quashed and I'm reinstated
from Monday 12th with full back-pay and four weeks paid notice that I don't
have to work! RESULT!!
I suppose the moral of the story is "seek and ye shall find", true
about everything, I guess. If you don't ask, you don't get.... Enough of the
cliches already!!
Missed the BNO last night cos I couldn't be arsed driving so just had a quiet
gurly night with a friend.
Anyway, housework beckons.........
Update 08.10.09
October already and only 77 shopping days left til Christmas! Not been updating
much so sorry if I've gotten boring.... Still jobless but still happy and
enjoying a sunny day whilst sorting my wardrobe out - shorts & minis at
the back, woolly baa-lamb pullies moving forward (mint sauce!).
Should be at the BNO tomorrow so drop me a message if you fancy a meet. I
may or may not be dressed as a sexy witch - Haloween is round the corner and
ASDA have some good stuff to scare the kids with!!
I'm in work tomorrow for an appeal hearing so I'll ask my old boss if I can
use her broomstick (meeow!!) - Hey, got the cat too!!
Update 23.09.09
Must be that time of the month again when I feel the need to vent spleen profusely
and with venom.....
No, not really - I'm quite chilled actually....... considering I'm jobless
and skint!
Managed to stretch to buying Muse's new album the other week which is very
good indeed! My photography is going well too and I'm used to my fancy new
camera now. I've put some photos on my Facebook page so take a look..... (link
above somewhere, I think!).
After a few false-tan-nightmares I've still not learned a thing and still
look like I've been hit with the Dickinson Kilroy-Silk stick!!! Band is OK
but we had some bad news last week - nuff said.
Up in Manchester area this weekend to catch up with some family & friends,
bet it rains!!
How did I ever fit my life in when I was working??
Update 10.09.09
Phew, survived my 40th on Monday! My folks were up and met my fella and everything
went extremely well! We all spent the day in Greenwich and had a lovely meal
in Loch Fyne in Snorbans - super!
Should be at the BNO tomorrow with a couple of good friends so watch out Bletchley!!
OMG - what shall I wear?
Should have a new band website soon and I'm just finalizing logos, banners
etc so the link will be on here soon - we're now called JOYRIG, by the way.
Just need to find a job now........... bummer!
Update 01.09.09
Regular readers may know about a few work problems recently but they're all
behind me now - I got sacked today from a job I've done for the last 8 years.
Things could have been worse though and to be honest I'm quite pleased that
I can now forge ahead a bit further. Work was the only "constant"
from my old life and now it's gone I feel as though I've been released. I
can do what I want and find a job worth doing, hopefully something enjoyable,
rewarding, fulfilling and not just some desk-jockey number-crunching, sitting
at a PC-type job lining the fat faceless wallet of some corporate soul-sucking
organisation! Phew, rant over - spleen vented.....
I'll be 40 on Monday so maybe I'm just getting my midlife crisis out of the
way now.
My current X-Files marathon is at Episode 23, Season 3 so plenty more to go
at while I'm sitting at home. I'll probably be into Season 4 by the end of
the night!
Anyway, last year when I joined this site I said I wanted to have changed
my life in time for my 40th and the girl's done good so far. Still got my
lovely fella too and he's definitely going to be part of my life for the foreseeable
future. I'm in a band again and doing a few local "open mike" nights
in the area with our superb guitarist (cheers Suzzy) so I'm in a good place
at the moment.
Just need those Lotto numbers to come up now so I can have my canel boat,
E-type and that chocolate factory I've always dreamed of (sigh)..............
Be good!
Update 28.08.09
Just updated my website at long last..... Not much difference really but I've
linked the gallery to my Picasa pages so loads more photos to look at now!!
There's also more on the support & help pages for people wanting to change
their name, makeup tips, hair removal and hormone treatments - what are you
waiting for............
Update 14.08.09
My freak-out-Monday has turned into a full blown week off. Can't say I've
done much really but I did have some good news on Wednesday - I'm in the band!
I'm well chuffed and in the process of learning the set and should be gigging
in the area soon. I've been mainly using my fretless Fender recently which
is becoming my main bass but I'll always have a special spot for my Stingray!
Got a get-together with our guitarist, Suzzy, tomorrow and then our first
rehearsal as a band all together on Sunday. We've got a swanky studio booked
with air con, coffee machine, backline etc so should be great!
Bring it on.................
Update 10.08.09
Well, I suppose we all have good and bad days - I've just had a bad one! Got
really stressed at work today and walked out! Not sure what, if anything,
will happen there and I'll make sure I see my GP tomorrow to get the all important
sick-note. I'm still getting some serious waves of depression and although
they're few and far between, when they hit they hit hard. At the moment I'm
cheering myself up by watching the original Superman fillum with a lasagne
baking nicely in the oven (better than having my head in there!!).
Still waiting to hear about the band audition I had last week and am reasonably
hopeful, I suppose. Anyway, better go - Durrel's about to blast Zod into the
Phantom Zone - see you there matey.........
Oooops: July has been deleted in error whilst I was transferring data between PCs - not much happened anyway!!
Update 21.06.09:
Dear God, about this body you sent me....... Well, where to start! First off,
I ain't got the receipt but something this badly put-together warrants special
dispensation! I realise I've had it nearly 40 years and not looked after it
but that's hardly an excuse for something so bespoke and unique (and carrying
a lifetime guarantee!!). My Zippo has faired better than this and has been
dropped many more times.....
I'm sick of the way I have bits missing that should be there and bits there
that should be missing! Any chance we can put things right?
And then she woke......
Top night at Punters, as usual and all's well at Camp Forbes!
I'm currently on a course of hormones but early days yet and not much difference
although I seem to nag more and am getting the all-familiar bog-seat-syndrome;
up or down? DO NOT get me started!! Salads look more appealing on menus too
- just! My shopping seems to have ventured into the yoghurt camp and dried
fruit is great (f*** me, she's lost it!). I'm also enjoying my meaningful
and rewarding job. Wait, scrap that last bit, it was bullpoo!
On the plus side, I have a new friend who's a truly dear person and would
like to say thanks again for the penne bolognese rustled up before my eyes,
as if by some miracle of kitchen activity. I usually put cold food in my metallic
teleportation chamber and send it to the Cook Islands and back - sorry, that
was bad!
Anyway, that's enough insanity for one day. Take care and keep watching the
stars................
Update 16.06.09:
Tom Petty blasting out my Bose speakers, nails drying nicely, two nights in
Brighton from tomorrow and Sebastien Saab's in a designated parking bay all
tucked up - things ain't arf good Mum!
Punters was great last Friday and I'll be there again with my girlfriend Dita
this Saturday. If you're going watch out for us, we'll be unmissable and should
stand out, even in there! I'm really hoping the inhouse photo dude snaps me
this time, he always avoids me for some reason.
Anyway, better go coz I'm FREE....................... FREE FALLIN'...............................
Update 08.06.09:
Where the bloody hell is summer! Had a few good days and I even bought some
shorts to get a bit of a tan but I'm still wearing stockings to work, what's
going on?
Anyway, on a lighter note, we have a Chix BNO looming and it's this Friday
- yippee! I'll be there with my fella so if you see me please come over for
a chat - I don't bite (much!). Mine's a Red Bull...... I'm also aiming to
be wearing the smallest leather dress ever made so I really hope it doesn't
piss down but hey, we do live in England!!
Hope to see some of you there this Friday............. ciao for now......
Update 19/5/09:
Crikey, nine days without a rant - feel I should write something so here goes...
The fact I'm not rich, famous and successful is a constant niggle! My job
is unfulfilling and dull and my nails are chipped. My fella probably thinks
I'm a headcase and he's probably correct. Ate a big bag of wine gums for my
dinner and feel guilty (and a bit ill!). Fell asleep in my chair and look
as though I've had a session on a Van Der Graff generator. I know I'm selfish
and spoilt and nothing's ever good enough. But, the worst thing of all - no
Galaxy left to suck and nibble on, oh deary-me!
On the plus side though I'm getting down and funky with a Flora Purim CD I
forgot I had and also, slowly, erasing my former life. Not much of it left
now....
I have two things planned - get back in a band and start up Badminton again.
I also plan to get in my little tennis kit and have a photo done scratching
my left arse-cheek - just like that poster we all had back in '79!!
Don't get me wrong, life's still fantastic - I'm just mental!
Update 10/5/09:
Had some bad news today - my poor old cat died this morning in her basket
at my Mum's and was buried in the back garden. Feel very sad so will leave
it short but just wanted to share it.
Speak soon......
Update 05/5/09:
Saw a shrink today and he can confirm that I'm not insane...... I asked for
a certificate to prove it! Should be referred to Charing Cross soon and I
can't wait...... What was the song in Pulp Fiction? "Girl, you'll be
a woman soon". Splendiferousness!!
Just pierced the other ear and got 'em matching! Had to use some old CBRs
which used to be in my nips - looks comical but I'll change them before I
go to work (hope I remember.....he he!). My fantastic fella bought me some
lovely silver ones yesterday which I'll put in - thanks babe (mwah!).
Work's pretty OK at the moment. Don't get me wrong, the job's still shit but
bearable - at least I'm content in my shit job now! Will update my CV and
get writing - need mo money for my ever-expanding wardrobe! Had to evict a
family of spiders from my flat the other day and I've got a real taste for
Camden market now - what a place, I didn't know where to look next. It was
a bit of an overload so must go again VERY soon.
Until next time - PEACE!
Update 02/5/09:
It's May, "ner cast a clout" and all that. Should really have moved
April onto my website but I'm a busy girl - too much to do!
As I sat in my bank today, Deed Poll in hand, watching a very nice man input
my name and "Miss denomination" into his PC, I knew I'd done it!
I've reinvented my whole life and I get to chose 100% what goes on in it....
and who.... and when....
I've notified almost everyone now and should have a whole new set of cards,
paperwork & legal ID stuff like passport and driving licence soon. As
usual, the photo machine made me look like shit and gave me 4 copies of the
bastard! Better than the old photo of an alcoholic drug-addled tired mess
though....
Just need them bloody Lotto numbers to come up now!
APR 2009:
Update 30/4/09:
Well it's been a whole week at work and slowly people are getting used to
me. I've been very smart and discreet and looked quite the little miss exec!
It's been difficult with the folk who've known me longer as it's more of a
change but so far all is well. I saw an old colleague today from up-north
and he was surprised even though I'd emailed him a few days ago about it -
didn't bother him really and he said what almost everyone else has - as long
as you're happy, blah blah blah.....
So - I am happy and fulltime, managed my job around it, still kept my best
mates, got a shitload of new ones and get to start life all over again.......
probably making the same mistakes all over again too! So what.... as the blonde
in American Beauty said "There's nothing worse in life than being ordinary"
and she's right!
Casual day tomorrow so can wear whatever I want and a long weekend - excellent!
Sausage butty in the morning too, me thinks.........
Update 26/4/09:
What a lovely day! Went to Lakeside and grabbed a coffee before it opened!
Window-shopped like a demon and bought a few bits for work - y'know, sensible
stuff! Wandered round St Albans in the afternoon and had a stroll in the park.
Those birds are getting seriously fussy down there - came back with half a
loaf. Guess what my fella's having for dinner tomorrow.......... yep, you
guessed it - duck on toast!!
At the moment DD are belting out of the stereo - older album, Big Thing! Might
get the really old stuff out and ogle at the back covers..... oh Nick Rhodes.........
better watch it, people will read this.................!
Need to do some ironing soon - there's always something to pee on your fireworks
ain't there?
Also, after cleaning the inside of my car, I'm enforcing a "no eating"
policy. If you're reading this Claire that means you and your bloody McDonalds
- how did you manage to get the sugar in the back seat creases for f***'s
sake! Found a green chip too which was better than their fresh ones!! Mmmmmm......
backseat-footwell-munch-find..............
Just need some hunk to tell me what the hell that whirring-sound is from the
engine now without adding the words "it's gonna cost ya lav!" -
know anyone??? Send him my way.........
Update 24/4/09:
For those who are dying to know, and those who aren't, yesterday was fantastic!
Got loads of reassuring comments at work and it was business as usual - I
wasn't even particularly nervous! A special thanks to my fella who popped
round very early and left me a lovely note and also took me out for lunch!
I was quite the little executive madam yesterday but today is casual (for
a quid!) - jeans and a tight little t-shirt I think......
Things really couldn't be much better at the moment. I just need to leave
my stamp on the planet now - Suzie's arrived at last!
Update 22/4/09:
It's almost my rebirthday so I may send myself a card so I have at least one!
Today will be the last time I go to work in a Burton's suit and when I get
home the last of my male attire will be gone. Still don't know what I'm wearing
on my "first day" but my Jaeger jacket is a definite. I never thought
it would be difficult to just get some nice black simple trousers but these
are proving tricky! My leather trousers are an option but maybe too raunchy
for work..... I'm hoping Friday is casual day so I can be, er, casual!
There's a bit of competiton at work and I don't want to be the minger - at
the same time, I don't want to blow them all away and have my eyes clawed
out, meeow!!
I've binned off my Birchplace profile this morning as I'm sick of the muppets
on there - just a Chix chick from now on.........................
Wish me luck peeps!
Update 21/4/09:
Check this out - we have a new event on the calendar and Friday 24th is the
day. Please see the link below and if you're free why not join us! Me and
my mate Claire will be there along with Danni and many others I'm sure. So,
get yer gladrags on and shake that thang - should be one helluva night........
[link='http://www.tgirlhq.com']TGirlHQ[/link]
Update 19/4/09:
Emotions are running high at the moment. Every reply so far from the email
I sent to my closest friends has been extremely positive and a total surprise.
I've known some of these guys since primary school back in the mid-seventies!
As for my parents, Dad was very upset - not because of what I'm doing but
two things which I overlooked slightly. Firstly, he was devastated that I'd
been unhappy all these years and never really knew and secondly, something
I hadn't even considered, was my name change - effectively "binning off"
the family name and actually ending the tree - there'll be no more branches
coming out of me I'm afraid......
As for Mum, she's happy but a photo I sent upset her as she didn't recognise
the woman looking back at her. Another spooky thing is that I have a photo
of her from around 1982 and I look just like her (she was exactly the same
age I am now in 1982!).
It will take some time for them to accept their loss of a son but I'm going
to ensure that their new daughter is a complete success. My "re-birthday"
is coming up soon and I've made it Thursday 23rd April which is the day I
start work again after never being off, weird, and also happens to be St George's
Day which suits my thoroughly English nature! As far as work's concerned,
a new member of staff will join the team without the need for any training
- I just hope they're all ready for this! There's a big difference between
being told something and having it shoved in your face, which it will be.
The point of no return was reached last week and I've absolutely no regrets.
I have one suit and one shirt left for the first part of next week and that's
it (although I've kept my Christian Dior sports jacket - I just couldn't part
with it and it still looks OK in an androgynous sort of way!). My false nails
were removed for the last time about ten minutes ago - next time they're off
it's because they've fallen off........
My IPL consultation went well yesterday and the first sesh is next Saturday.
At £140 a pop and me needing around twelve means it ain't cheap. If
I can get prescribed hormones quickly, it should reduce the treatments but
not sure how possible this is - I'll find out tomorrow when I pester my GP
to death.......
Thanks for all the great messages I've had and I'll try to personally answer
them all soon but as you can imagine, I'm pretty busy at the moment. If anyone
else is at a similar point on their journey, get in touch!
Keep checking back to see what happens next...........................
Update 17/4/09:
OK, so what next? My work email address and payroll details have been changed
to my official new name - Miss Suzanna Forbes. My suits and other male attire
are in several bags waiting to go to the charity shop where I got my best
buys. My old Facebook account has been deactivated. All my old friends have
been told. My car is now a "he". My bangle collection grows daily.
The contents of my fridge could be mistaken for Jane Fonda's and my workout
DVD will be in the shops soon.......
Most of the above is true!
Tomorrow I'm having a consultation for laser hair removal - not cheap but
beats shaving twice a day!
In the near future I'll be getting my ears pierced at last because clip-ons
hurt too much and I get squashed-lobe-syndrome. May have a tattoo done. Might
get a cat or a rabbit to cuddle and care for. Might get some fish - real ones
in a tank, not haddock! Might get contact lenses as my eyes are now used to
getting poked about either with my false nails or kohl stick. Might buy a
yacht - hang on a minute, my pants are on fire (liar, liar!!).
The following is definitely true - at work today I was asked the question
"will you have periods after your operation?". Yeah, like I'm gonna
grow a womb!! The laughter in the office was a welcome awkward-pause killer.............
unbelievable! But, saying that it was nice to have the question - bless!
Anyway, better go as I've been invited to sit in the window at Ripley's Believe
It Or Not in a bikini made of spaghetti.................... hoping Duran Duran
come along and slurp it off me, especially Nick Rhodes, mmmmmm!
Update 15/4/09:
Today has seen another hurdle successfully jumped and if there was ever a
time to make a note of, today is it - Wednesday 15th April 2009 is the start
of my life!
Work now know all about me and are totally supportive. Wrote a letter to my
boss and she was fantastic about it - even said she had some clothes I could
have, then got jealous because I'm a few sizes smaller than her - crikey!
Tomorrow most of the management team will be aware also and it's now entirely
up to me to select a time to do my transition - well, not really a transition,
more like turning up in a stunningly stylish trouser suit or maybe even a
skirt! I'm aiming for this Monday (20th) - I don't hang about......
It's a bit of a cliche I know but I've had to pinch myself just now (honestly,
it hurt!) to make sure this wasn't a dream. Thing is though, it IS a dream
but one that's come true!
I'll have to leave it there I think for the time being as I'm about to pee
my panties with excitement!!!!!
Watch this space...............
Update 14/4/09:
I've been thinking a lot this Easter weekend and have come to the conclusion
that, as Popeye once said, I yams what I yams! The combination of Easter and
the start of spring have triggered a response which I always knew to be inevitable.
My landlord now knows everything and he's totally cool about about it - he
even has a friend who underwent a successful transtion some years ago and
we had a coffee in town and it was great - what are the chances of that, eh?
On the strength of that and the start of a new and very special friendship,
I've decided to tell my boss at work as that's the only hurdle left and the
only time the "old me" exists. I have a letter which will be handed
in later today when I get to work suggesting I work from home if my change
is likely to bother anyone - which it surely will! I've also set the ball
rolling for a Deed Poll name change and will be investigating some IPL hair
removal treatments this week.............
So, what a turnaround! If Mr J Christ could do it 2009 years ago, I reckon
I can too - I just hope I've got another 40 years left to enjoy my resurrection
but I'll leave the water-walking to the expert............
It all starts now............................
Update 12/4/09:
Happy Easter everybody, hope you all got plenty of eggs from the Easter bunny
- I got a couple!
Had the most amazing time on Friday at Pink Punters and really wish I'd brought
some bunny ears! Went with my mate Claire and we'll be doing it again next
week - defo! Met some great people (hope you're reading this Maryanne Talmadge......)
and I cannot recommend the place highly enough - super dooper!
I wore the tinyest of leather dresses and black booties but next time I'm
going to try and out-do myself, I'm sure it's possible! Probably room for
two more in the car so if you're local and fancy it, get in touch (first come
first served, serious girls ONLY). Just let me have a few quid for the gas,
no strings.......
Anyway, off into London today to see the Queen - she wears a SuzieTV t-shirt
don't you know!
Update 06/4/09:
Dear Fella,
Just been washing all my smalls in the sink! Bought some handwashing liquid
the other day and forgot about it.....
I'm listening to the Eurythmics and I've just hung my frillies up! I'm also
in the process of sorting ALL my clothes out properly and generally doing
loads of mundane things to relieve the boredom, yawn.....
Had some of my Chilli for dinner and still have a portion left for tomorrow
- ace for dunking cheesy Dorritos in, mmmmm........
I found two spiders earlier and one was red! Honest! I put them both in the
shower (one was there already) to see if they'd have a fight but they just
sat there and stared at each other - I gave up watching and now they've both
gone, wonder where? Hope they've not crawled in a shoe - eeks!!
Ooh, Sisters are doin' it for themselves, apparently.......................
Anyway, my bras are hanging up and dripping dangerously close to a 4-way socket,
excitement brews.................. the tension is killing me!
It's like the feeling you get when fishing toast out the toaster with a knife
- you've done it I'm sure!
Love you, Barney Magrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub; if I weren't
an alcoholic I'd be off down the pub..........................!
Keats? Byron? Hope you're bloody well listening - in your big shirts!
All my love,
Snuzie!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Update 04/4/09:
Well, nearly Easter - a time all about rebirth, renewal and change which is
quite apt. Not updated for a while as I've had a fair bit on my mind recently
and my website is in need of a refresh!
So far the plan's going, er, to plan but there are still a couple of things
I need to do. My neighbours are surely getting deeply suspicious and I don't
want my landlord to think there are two people living here, although in a
way there are!
Twelve months ago I never would have thought I'd be where I am right now so
hopefully the rest of the year will only progress further. Today I'm a frothy
love bubble about to burst - get caught in it and you may become infected,
in a nice way of course!
Until my next out-pour....
MAR 2009:
Update 29/3/09:
Work tomorrow, ho-hum - suppose we've all got to do it! I've just been thinking......................
......................the last time I was dressed as a man was Friday 20th
- 9 days ago! I guess I'll have to dust my work suit off and polish the big
shoes! Busy week ahead so that should keep me stimulated...........
I've also decided that I want to pursue all this further, ie
surgery and the whole journey - it's about time!
I'm so comfortable and happy now that my old life is fading into the distance.
So far this year has been great and will hopefully get better. Thanks to all
my friends who've helped me along the way, you all know who you are - big
hugs to y'all!
Better psyche myself up for tomorrow................................. speak
soon peeps.....................
Update 27/3/09:
Got back from Cornwall this afternoon after the most wonderful time (sigh.................).
Couldn't get my laptop to connect down there so haven't checked anything for
a few days. Thanks for all the messages while I've been away, they'll all
get a reply.....................
The holiday was perfect, nothing at fault whatsoever and just glorious to
enjoy almost a whole week of carefree pleasure - fantastic! Sorry, can't really
express it in words so I'll leave it there. Thanks to the digi-age I've got
over 200 great snaps to keep looking at!
Added a photo of me in some bizarre headwear if that floats yer boat, see
below. Oh, and if you get chance , the Eden Project is well worth a visit
- the tropical rainforest is excellent (and my L'Oreal foundation didn't melt,
perfectamundo!!).
She's back and badder than ever........................................
Update 21/3/09:
Went a bit mental with money I don't have today but sod it, a girl's got to
look her best! I spent a while this morning doing my face ritual and got everything
just right. Didn't go to mad on the clothes either - long black beaded hippy
skirt, one of my funky animal print tops, black leather boots and my black
fluffy jacket, so black then!! I'm getting so vain these days that I'm starting
to think EVERY song is about me!
The only glances I received today were pure lust from the men, jealous daggers
from the women and hungry looks from the ducks......... that was down to the
bag of bread, I reckon.
Anyway, getting side tracked - you need to know what I bought.................
I saw a Bench black leather jacket which was exquisite and originally £220.
It was reduced to £99 so I bought it! It's really gorgeous so I'll get
some photos done. Also bought a leather purse and a toiletries bag - sensible
things!
Also noticed that there's a 50% off sale at Jane Norman - God, temptation
everywhere! Think I may have to sell a guitar and just go apeshit with the
money. I really want some Aculite facial treatment but it's a bit pricey -
better than being a "bearded lady" though!! Ha ha!
Oh well, have to sort my holiday clothes out for Monday - luckily we're going
in a van. Hope there's still room after all his bloody fishing tackle!! I'll
get back and smell of mackerel, no doubt......... but in a nice way!! If the
weather holds up it should be lovely down there (sigh!).
Speak soon y'all and get rating my photos!!!! Mwah!
Update 18/3/09:
I've not had the best of times recently but I'm a tough ole cookie and already
bouncing back!
All going well I'm aiming to be in Cornwall next week which will probably
be a last fling with my partner. Things have been fantastic and it's a shame
it has to end but it's beyond my control unfortunately. Hoping to see a good
friend this weekend to chew the fat and generally do girly things........
Watch this space as I'm planning to do the club circuit when I get back and
April should be one funtastic month!! It's time to really vamp it up and strut
my funky stuff round my handbag!
Life's still good, just a slight diversion from the Suzie Masterplan! The
saga continues........................
Update 13/3/09:
Well, the coma only lasted 5 days but why did it have to be Friday 13th (again!!).
Currently on a reduced cocoa-mass drip and can be described as stable and
very comfortable. Thanks to my fans for all the flowers and galaxy-covered
grapes, where did you get those? The doctors here are really good but one
in particular, Dr Butternut-Sprinkles, has taken a right shine to me..................
.....................Oh bollocks, it was a bloody dream! My
life is a car crash, a twisted metal hulk of carnage, a shattering windscreen
excursion, a death-defying nipple tweak to the Reaper but I'm OK, honest!
Might delete this later............................ yowzers!!
Update 08/3/09:
Went to Hemel and did some shopping, what a suprise! Went in TK Maxx as usual
and got a great jacket. Also got some comfy leather shoes from Deichmann -
worth a look girls, great store. I think my holiday wardrobe is almost complete
and it's only two weeks away now! Pity it's not summer, I'd love to lounge
around in a skimpy bikini!! I could be a Bond girl emerging from the sea -
call me Suzula Undress!!
Had my first "beep" from a car the other day, well the guy driving
the car unless it was some random electrical malfunction! Felt good anyway.........
I get some great reactions now, everything including fear, desire, envy, confusion
and lust! It's got to be said though that around 95% of folk just pass me
by without a thought. Of course, me being me, I home into the 5% and obsess
about it............. obsessively............... and in an obsessive kind
of way........Jesus!
Anyway, I'm off to drink a stupid amount of Galaxy milk. I'm also going to
see what happens when I add it to some coco-pops. It should turn the chocolate
milk more chocolatey........... I'll let you know the results but there's
a chance I could go into some sugar-based narcotic coma.................................
Update 03/3/09:
March already, nearly Spring......... February has been moved to my website
to save some space on here!
Things are still great and I'm having a ball. Just need to do a few clubs
now so I can really vamp it up! Totally comfortable being out & seen and
had my first pee in the ladies' the other day!! My only worry is facial hair
- aaarrghh! Seriously thinking of some laser treatment but it ain't cheap,
I'll have a consultation and see what's what. I may just be paranoid about
it but if I know it's there, It's sure to be a problem further down the line.
Get in touch if you've had any experience with this, good or bad!
Looking forward to my Cornish holiday this month - a whole week of bliss I'm
sure..............
Wow, wow, wow - I love everything today!
FEB 2009:
Update 27/2/09:
Sorry, I've been neglecting my updates but what's a girl supposed to do! I'm
so busy at the moment but not complaining as I'm also very happy! All my nerves
& shyness have gone, more or less, and I'm now totally OUT, apart from
work - that would be too far at the moment! My parents and closest friends
know and all are totally cool with it, the only time left for "the old
me" is my working day. I used to worry a bit with second glances but
now I love it - I seem to get off on messing with people's heads; is she,
isn't she - it's like that old hairspray advert (God, showing my age now!).
Big event coming up - a whole week in Cornwall with my fella - I really cannot
wait and am excited just thinking about it! If anyone out there is contemplating
coming out, my advice is DO IT and DO IT NOW before it's too late. Life's
too short to dick about!
The last 3 months or so have been amazing and I feel like I did when I was
a teenager - free, spirited and enlightened. I highly recommend it............................
keep watching this space..................
Update 21/2/09:
What a lovely day! Been dressed all day and out in the car this morning. I
then walked round St Albans without a care in the world - browsed the market,
had a coffee in Starbucks, bought a loaf and headed for the park. The ducks
have had a right feed already, the fat little bastards were hardly interested
in my Warbys! Talk about foul-play, sorry that was bad! All this was on my
own too as no-one wanted to go out with me today (sob!). Bloody football -
what's all that about? Just men playing with their balls to me......
I've almost walked the heels off these boots so better start looking for a
quality pair soon. God, today has been good, I've even spoke to people, filled
up with petrol and allsorts - next time I'm taking a pee sitting down (in
a grid on the main road!!!!!!). Sisters doing it for themselves? They certainly
are..........
Update 17/2/09:
Blimey, we're really zipping through February, over half of it gone already!
My ebay hunting has paid off and I managed to get a full black leather coat
and black leather trousers for less than £25!! Will get some photos
done tomorrow so keep checking back.....
Makeover on Sunday went well so if you fancy the same, get in touch (although
I do seem to be getting busier & busier recently!). Also getting to the
point where I need a bigger flat - just for the clothes!!
An evening of passion on the cards tonight (day off tomorrow too - perfection)
and my fella is sleeping over again..........mmmm..........I wonder how much
melted galaxy it would take to cover my little bod!
Update 15/2/09:
What a fantastic Valentines Day - the best ever! Everything was perfect and
the smile on my face should last me all day today. More good news: it's official,
the 80s are coming back this spring so dig out your shoulder-padded power
suits, leg-warmers and anything without a collar! All I need to do is reach
further into the wardrobe - I knew the time would come at last. The music
has already made an appearance so get ready for the rest of it. If you don't
know what I'm on about, you're in for a treat - ask your mum!
Now, where did I put that Grace Jones CD..................................
and my "Frankie Says..." t-shirt..........
Update 14/2/09:
Happy Valentines Day to you all - I got a record number of cards this year
so thanks to the good folk who sent me one! Hope everyone has a fantastic
day - mine has been planned very well (for me!).
I've bought so many candles and already removed the pin from my fire extinguisher
- burning with passion? Not literally I hope!
I won't give too much away as a certain somebody will probably be reading
this but we have candlelight, soft music and Thai food on the agenda.........
I may even get the guitar out and do a serenade although technically it should
be the other way round! What a mental world I seem to have found - FANTASTIC!!
Be good my little Cupids and Psyches................... and love always, not
just today.................
Update 12/2/09:
Gosh, it's getting hard to stay in these days! Went for another lovely stroll
in the park, not alone, and then mooched around St Albans (see photo below...).
I actually went in M&S for lunch and Jane Norman (and was bought a new
dress - thanks babe, I'll be in it on Saturday!). God I love it!
Can't wait for Saturday - candlelight, Thai food, soft music and plenty of
Schloer.................mmmm.....!
Could things be any better? Doubtful!
Update 08/2/09:
Six days to go - don't forget to send me a Valentine's card!
I think someone has replaced my medication with some kind of "brave pill"
- drove to Southend-On-Sea this afternoon, took some photos to prove it and
everything went extremely well. No accidents or incidents to report. I mingled
and deliberately looked at people to see if they were looking at me - they
weren't! Except for one elderly lady in a car park - she couldn't stop looking
at me, nobody seemed to know any different, it was great. I reckon the stares
are because I'm so damn gorgeous (bloody hell, I wouldn't have been that confident
a month ago!). Sorry, I'll be disappearing up my own arse in a minute!
Anyway, it was fabaroo and will be done much more often, pity I was on my
own but what the hell!
Hope you're reading this Leanne because I nicked the idea off you!
Didn't quite have the, ahem, balls to have fish & chips but you can't
get proper mushy peas down here so what's the bloody point!!!
I'll upload a photo later so you know I'm not a big fat liar, liar, pants-on-fire..................
Update 07/2/09:
5:08pm:
Woo-hoo!! Finally made it out! Can't believe it! Bloody Nora! Phew! I feel
a poem brewing...........
Went to the park, he was tall & dark (once!)
Fed a few ducks with no funny looks
Walkng hand in hand, people all around
Tripping through the snow, my polar bear hero
Sort of rhymes! Say it in a London accent!
What a day - went to the park which was very busy! Full of snow and an accident
waiting to happen! No heroics though, trainers, jeans, jumper & snuggle
coat! Avoided the hat & shades and just went for it big-time! Spent the
best part of an hour feeling fabulous at last - nobody batted an eyelid, just
another couple feeding the birds, bliss.........! What the f*** have I been
doing all these years?
Let that be a lesson to you all!
6:30am:
It's the weekend! Fantastic...........
A few goodies lined up for today - need to get some new jeans and a warm coat.
It's market day too so I'll have a look round there also. Defo seeing my fella
later and possibly during the day too (TBC!) so I may get my walk in the park
today! Must remember the ducks' lunch and my camera...... Knowing my luck
I'll slip, fall on my arse and get mugged by a flock of seagulls (just thought
I'd get an 80s band in there!).
It's 6:30am now and I can't see whether the snow's still around yet - too
dark. Hope it is, everything looks so much nicer with a layer of fairy dust....
Update 05/2/09:
These updates seem to be getting fewer and fewer! What with being back at
work full-time and my new fella I'm finding it difficult to find the time.
I'm not complaining, I'm loving it (but not the job - hate that!). I've come
out to two very old friends up-north and they've been really supportive -
just another few steps towards my future......
Being out & seen remains my main goal and I'm planning something for the
weekend - could be a drive out or a wander round town. If I can get my fella
involved I'd feel more confident (hint hint, if you're reading this!).
I feel really good that in just a month I've managed to reorganise my life
into one I want to live! This journey I'm on will be bloody difficult, probably
painful but definitely not ordinary. I don't do ordinary anymore. Ordinary
sucks! It's all about me now, my new life with new friends (and old ones)
and my future - everything in the past is history now with a bold black line
under it.......
Update 02/2/09:
Wow, I've now amassed 100 admirers! Thanks everyone, I feel so wanted!
Another great few nights chalked up. Met a great girl on Sunday and had a
natter and saw my fella the rest of the weekend, and tonight! This bubble
I'm in at the moment will surely burst but until it does, I'm gonna enjoy
every second of it..... Work is bearable which is better than it was but I
could still do with a change. Does anyone have a job going for a dizzy brunette,
will travel and have own makeup!
Oh, I need some sleep......... nighty-night all.......zzzzz.....zz................z..
JAN 2009:
Update 29/1/09:
I must have died recently because I swear I'm in heaven! Spent ALL day in
bed with my very special guy and enjoyed every second of it. Looks like the
girl made good on her New Year's resolution.....
I'm living my life now and grabbing everything with both hands (and not letting
go!). Initially I said I was after a girls night out and take things from
there..... I've ended up doing it all backwards which, at the moment, seems
to make perfect sense!
Aiming to be totally out & about soon so let me know if you hear of anything
interesting............
Update 27/1/09:
Being a curious soul I decided to see what my COGIATI score would be. I took
a while but answered everything very honestly. Here's the result:
Your COGIATI result value is: 165 Which means that you fall
within the following category:
COGIATI classification FOUR, PROBABLE TRANSSEXUAL
What this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory
has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially feminine, but
with some masculine or androgynous traits. It is very possible that you are
a candidate for a diagnosis of transsexualism. You show a strong degree of
gender dysphoria. At the very least, further investigation should be undertaken.
Your COGIATI score places you among the majority of those diagnosed as transsexuals,
the 'late onset' transsexual.
Damn, this is so unfair - I wanted to be a cat!!
Update 26/1/09:
If my special, wonderful man is watching, I'm thinking of you (you know who
you are...!).
Get back safe & soon, I'll be waiting for you........... hugs, cuddles
and Ben & Jerry kisses (with sprinkles), mwah!
Update 25/1/09:
Yesterday was so good it was almost criminal! Another fantastic night (and
most of the day!) with Mr Perfect - just thinking of it will keep me topped-up
on this wet, windy Sunday.....
God, I feel like a schoolgirl with a major crush, mooning around on cloud
nine (might have found cloud ten now!). Sorry for being so annoyingly happy
but I'll burst if I don't let it out!!
I'd love a girly chat today so if you're local and free get in touch - I've
an empty flat all to myself. All girls welcome if you can make it for a day
of gossip, coffee, makeup & kinky boots!
At the moment my "closet" has no doors on and the framework will
be firewood soon! Join me and we'll watch them burn together and never look
back.........
Hugs, cuddles and lipsticky kisses to you all!
Mwah!
Update 23/1/09:
There are good shopping trips and there are fantastic shopping trips, I've
just had the latter!
I've found my clothing nirvana - Jane Norman. I always thought it would be
pricey but, shock horror, I just got two seriously cool dresses for less than
£25!! Get down there and clear 'em out before I do!
Also, in TK Maxx I found a lovely bra/panty set (in lacy midnight blue) for
£12!
If this is symptomatic of a recession, bring it on I say......
Oh. almost forgot - when I was in Jane Norman (St Albans) earlier they had a fantastic leather minidress reduced from £120 to £36!! Size 8 though, there's always a catch! If you're skinny enough grab it while you can (to be honest it looked as though I could have shoe-horned myself into it but didn't risk it!). Tune in for more tiptop top tips!!
Update 22/1/09:
Although I've come down from the ceiling I'm still hovering approximately
two feet off the ground!
Thanks to everyone who left comments in my guestbook too, they're much appreciated
(I've had some really nice ones recently, thanks!).
God knows what I'll do tonight, yesterday was a tough act to follow..........
Update 21/1/09:
Well, I had the most wonderful night tonight. I'm not one to kiss and tell
in public but I met someone special and we had a great night! Thankyou, thankyou,
thankyou!! I'm still floating.......
Update 20/1/09:
Day two in the Big Brother office.....well, no equipment was harmed today!
Totally uneventful really, boring even! Not even worth writing about actually
so why am I botheri....................!
Gone!
Update 19/1/09:
Thankyou everybody, I've been viewed over 1000 times! Mwah, mwaah, mwwaaahh!
2:30pm
Managed half a day! Sat down, logged in, deleted over 400 emails without reading
them, explained 30 times to 30 people why I`d been off (and lied 30 times!),
had 3 cig breaks, broke the printer (it was witholding something of mine and
wouldn`t let go - honestly!), faulted-out said printer, doodled some dresses
on my pad, answered my phone once and went home. Oh, and had a meeting in
which I pretended to listen but was really just interested in the bubbly pink
fizz I keep between my ears!! So, everything back to normal then........
I enjoyed it so much I might do it all again tomorrow!
Apparently today is "Blue Monday", the most depressing
day of the year! I'm currently attempting to radiate out a collective hug
for anyone who needs one (need one myself so send it back!). I'd do anything
to get out of work this morning but will have to just bite the bullet and
do it! Sales, sales, sales........my arse!
Wishing you all the very best for this potentially tragic day...................!
Update 18/1/09:
Well, didn't go last night! My excuse was the awful weather; the truth is
I'm a big coward! Saying that though, I had the builders in recently regarding
that wall of mine and they reckon it's so far gone it'll be down within the
week! Just have to wait for gravity now, all 9.81m/s/s of it...... I've been
told the view is amazing!
Update 17/1/09:
Two more days then back to work - ugh! Double-ugh!! Well Saturday is pamper
day (no, not wearing a nappy!) and I've spotted a night out tonight!! CandyGirls
from 9pm - never been, not sure exactly where it is but fancy going.......
Bit short notice, I know, but will someone take me? Please, please, please!!
This would be my first time properly out & about so be gentle with me!
Would prefer to be with the girls initially but am open to any genuine offer.........
Update 15/1/09:
Back home in record time (2h 50m) and my faithful old car lasted another trip.
Didn't even stop this time and just went for it. Duran Duran all the way down
- very loud! Saw a white van which had "wash me or fuck me" written
in the grime - thought that was funny!
Update 14/1/09:
Just got in at 2:37am after visiting a few friends in Manchester and having
many goes on Guitar Hero!
Considering I'm a pretty good musician I was crap (big time!) on the bass
for Lenny Kravitz (sorry Lenny!).
I was OK on drums and managed 97% for Eye of the Tiger! Hot stuff indeed (it
was on EASY!).
Got to get some sleep - I can't believe I logged in to type this!! Such is
my commitment to boring you all to death!
Oh, and another thing, someone else rated my main pic at 4!! What's going
on? Has someone got it in for me? If I ever find out who they are, Mr &
Mrs Spank will be making a short sharp trip to Bottyland.....
Update 13/1/09:
Well, my medication seems to be at least making me sleep - never usually up
this late! Good job I'm not working at the moment.
I was a bit gutted when someone rated my main pic a 5 last night!! A bit harsh,
I thought. Anyway, each to his/her own. If you saw me now I'd be lucky to
get a 3 - I'm madeup, smudged, tired and a bit lost in my head. Think I'll
head for a shower and sort myself out.
I wonder what today will bring to the stage of my life.....
3:36pm
Decided to head up north for a couple of days and will hit the M1 shortly.
I'm totally mobile so will still be able to chat and email. Just think of
how many of you I'll pass on the way!
Bye for now.....
Update 12/1/09:
Unbelievable - overslept this morning and got a parking ticket!! Seems the
price for a good night's sleep these days is £35! As usual, head in
a cloud but feeling suprisingly calm - will the day improve or spiral into
a catalogue of hideous disasters? Watch this space......
7:18pm
.......well, somewhere in between as it happens. Payed the bloody fine in
person at the "Parking Shop" (a shop dedicated to parking - why?)
then came home and slipped into something extremely comfortable!
Put my face on and took some more photos (for a change!). This time I went
for jeans & jumper, which was what I was already wearing, then lost the
jeans, lost the jumper and.......aha, I had a t-shirt on underneath!!
God knows what I'll do tonight after all that. Oh, it's raining here so I
might go out later under a brolly and wander the streets, no-one will notice
me....
........Now where did I put that neon pink illuminated trench coat with the
arse cut out????
Update 11/1/09:
Just got up and look a mess! Managed to sleep for about 4 hours last night,
a recent record!
Yesterday was a bit miserable but I really pampered myself in the afternoon
and had a long shower and shave (oh how I miss my bath). Had a typical Suzie
moment and shaved the same leg twice! Took a few more pictures with really
minimal makeup which turned out well, considering I'm not 100% fighting fit
- I'll post these today on my main site. As a bit of a laugh, I also videoed
a short blog which, to be fair, needs a lot of work! Unfortunately, I thought
my voice sounded awful so will be trying to do something about it as a matter
of urgency (any tips anyone?). I suppose I could just keep my gob shut (thought
I'd get that one in before someone else did!!).
Anyway, feel better today so if anyone fancies a chat get in touch......
Update 9/1/09:
Fancied a change for 2009 so added a new photo. Please rate away! Not been
well recently and had a pretty rubbish Christmas. I've lost so much weight
now but am gradually getting my apetite back - demolishing a huge Toblerone
at the moment, mmmm! Saw my GP today and I'm finally being treated for my
depression and other disorders (God, I sound like some mental bird - I guess
I just am...).
Think I'll go somewhere nice tomorrow, somewhere with ducks.....
